Chapter 8
For any boys out there or mothers with boys you will understand the following story well. There is just something synonymous with boys and peeing. Especially little boys, who have just discovered it is fun to pee outside. As previously mentioned in this story, I was a boy who did everything any other little boy would do. If you can thing of something I could do wrong I would most assuredly find out how to do it.
There are a few things in life only boys will understand. There is just something about watching your pee fall from a bridge, cliff, or even a balcony that is just to tempting to pass up. It could be that is enticing to see how far you can let it fly or possibly how long it will fall. I like to chalk it up to either just fun or possibly instinct. It is definitely something a father can pass on to his son, but a mother will never understand. It is just part of who we are.
With that said I have had no inhibitions of peeing off bridges or out of car windows, while driving. The latter will have to be discussed at a later time when the owner of the car is introduced into the book. I know you can’t wait to hear it but patience is said to be a virtue. I was no different than most little boys who like to pee outside and get away with it.
This story actually has nothing to do with peeing outside, nor does it relate to peeing from an elevated point. It has to do with a little boy who just loved cartoons. Saturday morning cartoons aren’t what they used to be. I would wake up well before television stations started broadcasting, just to make sure I didn’t miss a moment of the early morning cartoons. I didn’t know how to set an alarm clock so my body just trained itself to wake up in time for the cartoons. It was almost like Christmas on a weekly basis for me.
My routine went as follows. Wake up and rub the sleepies out of the corners of my eyes. Stumble my way up the stairs quietly to not wake anyone else up. Pour myself a bowl of cereal. I really was a self sufficient little guy on Saturday mornings. Then I would carefully walk back down the stairs, usually spilling at least a little bit of my cereal on the way. Then I would plop down in front of the TV eating my cereal, while watching the test screen.
With that much effort I was not going to let the urge to void my bladder make me miss my cartoons in the morning. Also I had to defend the TV from my sisters, who always changed the channel. So I devised a plan to efficiently relieve my needs and also maintain control of the TV. As soon as the cartoon would break for commercials I would run into the adjoining laundry room to take care of business. You see there was a drain in the middle of the floor, as is found in most laundry rooms of the era. I thought it was the smartest thing ever, especially since there was no bathroom in the basement.
Now this went on for quite a while without a hitch. Had I not gotten bored with the circumstances I would have probably gotten away with it. To this day I still don’t know what prompted me to change locations but something did. I moved over one more room and peed in the storage room. This was great except there was no drain to aim for. Sooner than later my parents caught on to my improvised bathroom and confronted me about the supposed problem.
We were on the way to Grand Targhee for a fun filled weekend of skiing and playing in the snow, when my Dad brought up the topic of our previous discussion. Like any other time I had been in trouble I knew I was in for it. I slunk down in my seat and waited for someone else to confess for the indiscretion, but they all knew I was the perpetrator. I remember the guilt that followed as well as the embarrassment. I also remember the smell of the ammonia I used to clean up my mess. It was not a fun project but I willingly took the bucket and scrub brush and cleaned that storage room until it was shiny.
Over the years the embarrassment and guilt has left me. Those negative feelings have now been replaced by feelings of pride and humor. Even as a young boy I started to look for more efficient ways to live. I now know I am capable of streamlining any process, whether it be using the restroom or filling prescriptions. Everyone needs more efficiency in their life, I just started out earlier practicing those traits.
