Boys Just Like to Pee

Chapter 8

For any boys out there or mothers with boys you will understand the following story well. There is just something synonymous with boys and peeing. Especially little boys, who have just discovered it is fun to pee outside. As previously mentioned in this story, I was a boy who did everything any other little boy would do. If you can thing of something I could do wrong I would most assuredly find out how to do it.
There are a few things in life only boys will understand. There is just something about watching your pee fall from a bridge, cliff, or even a balcony that is just to tempting to pass up. It could be that is enticing to see how far you can let it fly or possibly how long it will fall. I like to chalk it up to either just fun or possibly instinct. It is definitely something a father can pass on to his son, but a mother will never understand. It is just part of who we are.
With that said I have had no inhibitions of peeing off bridges or out of car windows, while driving. The latter will have to be discussed at a later time when the owner of the car is introduced into the book. I know you can’t wait to hear it but patience is said to be a virtue. I was no different than most little boys who like to pee outside and get away with it.
This story actually has nothing to do with peeing outside, nor does it relate to peeing from an elevated point. It has to do with a little boy who just loved cartoons. Saturday morning cartoons aren’t what they used to be. I would wake up well before television stations started broadcasting, just to make sure I didn’t miss a moment of the early morning cartoons. I didn’t know how to set an alarm clock so my body just trained itself to wake up in time for the cartoons. It was almost like Christmas on a weekly basis for me.
My routine went as follows. Wake up and rub the sleepies out of the corners of my eyes. Stumble my way up the stairs quietly to not wake anyone else up. Pour myself a bowl of cereal. I really was a self sufficient little guy on Saturday mornings. Then I would carefully walk back down the stairs, usually spilling at least a little bit of my cereal on the way. Then I would plop down in front of the TV eating my cereal, while watching the test screen.
With that much effort I was not going to let the urge to void my bladder make me miss my cartoons in the morning. Also I had to defend the TV from my sisters, who always changed the channel. So I devised a plan to efficiently relieve my needs and also maintain control of the TV. As soon as the cartoon would break for commercials I would run into the adjoining laundry room to take care of business. You see there was a drain in the middle of the floor, as is found in most laundry rooms of the era. I thought it was the smartest thing ever, especially since there was no bathroom in the basement.
Now this went on for quite a while without a hitch. Had I not gotten bored with the circumstances I would have probably gotten away with it. To this day I still don’t know what prompted me to change locations but something did. I moved over one more room and peed in the storage room. This was great except there was no drain to aim for. Sooner than later my parents caught on to my improvised bathroom and confronted me about the supposed problem.
We were on the way to Grand Targhee for a fun filled weekend of skiing and playing in the snow, when my Dad brought up the topic of our previous discussion. Like any other time I had been in trouble I knew I was in for it. I slunk down in my seat and waited for someone else to confess for the indiscretion, but they all knew I was the perpetrator. I remember the guilt that followed as well as the embarrassment. I also remember the smell of the ammonia I used to clean up my mess. It was not a fun project but I willingly took the bucket and scrub brush and cleaned that storage room until it was shiny.
Over the years the embarrassment and guilt has left me. Those negative feelings have now been replaced by feelings of pride and humor. Even as a young boy I started to look for more efficient ways to live. I now know I am capable of streamlining any process, whether it be using the restroom or filling prescriptions. Everyone needs more efficiency in their life, I just started out earlier practicing those traits.

A New Best Friend

Chapter 7

When I was young I did my best to play hard every spare minute I had. It didn’t really matter to me if I had a friend because my imagination was so broad. However, the friends I had were always ready to play whenever our parents would let us. I was pretty blessed to have the friends I did growing up.
When my older sister Megan started dating her husband Mica I was about ten years old. I have to add this was the height of my pestering ability as a little brother. I have no idea why she decided to bring me into her relationship with Mica’s family but I sure am glad that she did. It turned out that Mica had a younger brother named Hyrum who is two days younger than me. He was a year behind me in school, so at this point I had never met him. They decided to introduce us to each other and see what happened from there.
In the place of a normal invitation to play Hyrum called one day to invite me to go to Provo with his family to visit his Grandma. To this point I had yet to meet Hyrum face to face. It might have been an odd request but my mom was already on board behind the scenes. Hyrum and his family picked me up the following day early the next morning and I rode all the way to Provo squished in the middle of the backseat. We stopped in Park City to shop at the outlets where Hyrum’s mom Susan bought Hyrum and I matching tank tops. This may sound a little weird but neither of us took off the tank tops the entire weekend except to have the spilled spaghetti washed out of them. And that is the beginning of our friendship.
We became basically inseparable from then on. We are still friends to this day. Our friendship has always been more like brothers than just friends. Like brothers we had fun at times and hated each other’s guts at other times. In the end we were always friends the next day. To illustrate this point I would like to share a story that still causes conflict to this day.
Hyrum’s family used to live within walking distance of Kelly Park. We would often go fishing in it’s ponds during the summer, but we never really played on the equipment. One winter we found ourselves in the park and found a stack of pallets. I still have no idea who they belonged to. Upon inspection we decided they would make a perfect fort.
We started to pack the newfound pallets the half a mile to Hyrum’s house. We ended up walking back and forth until we had carried all six pallets to his backyard. These weren’t your average pallets either. They were industrial strength with thick boards. It was actually a lot of work but we did it. On the last trip from the park we sat down to take a break. We happened to choose a spot next to a few fence posts consisting of railroad ties. Like most young boys we started to throw the rocks that weren’t covered with snow at the fence posts. I was seated a little bit behind Hyrum, but I had a clear shot at the post. The only problem I had were the winter gloves I was wearing. I picked up a rock that was a little bigger than the rest and started to throw when I felt the rock slip between my fingers. It then turned into one of those moments when life changes to slow motion. No matter how slow time was going I couldn’t do anything about what was about to happen. Hyrum sat there unsuspectingly when the large rock caught him square in the back of the head.
My first reaction to events like this is to normally laugh first then ask if they are ok. This was the wrong time to laugh, because it made Hyrum think that I had hit him with the rock on purpose. No matter how much I try to explain he to this day continues the feud of the rock that started that cold winter day almost 15 years ago. If we wouldn’t have been such good friends already the rock may have ended our friendship, but it still continues to this day. Maybe someday Hyrum will believe.

Jumping Off Haystacks

Chapter 6

As mentioned earlier in this compilation of stories, I enjoyed my time I spent down in Banida. The majority of the time was actually spent at my cousin Sam’s house. Sam and I and sometimes Decker and Bill would play as hard as any group of little boys could ever play. We were always into everything with an imaginary world going on inside. We did everything on my weekend trips imaginable. We mostly enjoyed anything that got us completely filthy.

There were ditches filled with water that evolved into our playground. We would swing from the trees as if we were Tarzan or monkeys. It was always a good time and some of my fondest childhood memories. Down around Banida there is a lot of farming. Along with farming there is also a lot of farm equipment. When equipment stops working on a farm beyond repair it usually gets parked in some obscure part of the field and left to rust away into the wind. Along with swinging through the trees we used to like to climb through the farm equipment that had been abandoned within our reach. An old combine close to Sam’s house played the part of ships, airplanes, and many other things in our imaginary games. It’s amazing none of us died from tetanus after playing on the rusty old thing.

We basically went from one fun activity to the next until it was dark or we were completely exhausted. It didn’t matter what else was happening in the world. When we were playing nothing else mattered. On many occasions we got hurt or got into trouble, but it didn’t usually slow us down any.

There is a saying that people use to describe looking for something that is lost. “It’s like looking for a needle in a Haystack.” Well there was one day that I recall if anyone were to look for us in a Haystack they would have found us. Sam, Decker, Bill, and I occasionally would play on the haystacks around their house. This particular day we discovered that it isn’t very hard to pull apart a bale of hay. As soon as the discovery was made we proceeded to tear apart the top two layers. We made a pile of hay at the bottom of the haystack thick enough to cushion our fall from the top. We began jumping off the haystack and having the time of our life without thinking about the damage we caused. This eventually evolved into flipping and all sorts of acrobatics. It’s amazing none of us got hurt.

I was lucky and got to leave before anyone discovered what we had done. To this day I still don’t know if Sam and Decker ever got in trouble for our game. It sure was a lot of fun and remains stuck in my head as a fond memory from my fun childhood.

Dennis the Menace

Chapter 5

Whenever I watch the movie Dennis the Menace, I can’t help but compare myself with Dennis. There are three older men from my childhood neighborhood that I can think of who probably played the role of Mr. Wilson in my life. Their names are Mr. Kunz, Mr. Cooper, and Mr. George. They may have had more patience than the true Mr. Wilson, but I imagine I was definitely their menace.

Mr. Kunz lived directly across the street from our house on Eastman Dr. He had the perfect steep driveway for riding any sort of toy with wheels and a great tree for climbing. I would have to say that he was probably the most like the Mr. Wilson in the movie. I was always in trouble for climbing in his trees and riding in his driveway, but what boy can resist such amazing opportunities. He had a fence that still stands to this day that was impossible to see through. I was actually always a little bit scared of this guy growing up, but that didn’t stop me from taking advantage of his yard.

Mr. George lived up the street from us and he was the nicest old man on the block. There weren’t many days that went by that I didn’t visit Mr. George’s house. He always had a snack to share and different odds and ends for us to play with. He was nice old man who cared to share his time with a little boy from the neighborhood. I don’t know if he enjoyed my visits as much as I did his, but I’ll always remember the kindness he showed through his patience with a young boy.

Mr. Cooper he lived next door to our old house. I didn’t really see much of him, but I did spend enough time at his house to wear out my welcome. One day I noticed he was building a deck off of his house. Having helped my Dad previously with our own deck, I thought I was an expert. I spent as much time as I could at their house trying to help him build his own deck. Every once in a while his wife would bring him a can of Pepsi that he would split with me. I was helping in my own little way with the deck, but he never shared the blue prints with me. For that reason I don’t know if my helpfulness encouraged him to build a big privacy screen on the side of the deck that faced our house. I decided that through the years that we lived there he probably did in fact build it to save himself from my own curious eyes.

I love my memories from my own personal Mr. Wilsons, who helped shape my childhood. I learned some good lessons from their examples. The most important lesson I learned was to be a good neighbor even if your neighbor is four times younger. You really never know who is paying attention and studying the example you set.

Broken Arms

Chapter 4

Recently while, playing softball I injured my elbow diving for a ball. Since then I discovered somewhere back in high school I broke my elbow, which healed without ever getting taken care of. I’m not quite sure how that happened, but it makes for a good introduction to my next story. Accidents are bound to happen when two brothers are playing, especially if one is 5 years older than the other. Actually there is a very thin line standing between playing and an accident waiting to happen with that kind of age difference.

So far as I can remember this experience is one of the most vivid from my childhood. That in itself is a feat, because I have this ability to remember lots of details about random things. Most of the details turn out to be of no importance, but they stick in my mind.

It all started out as a normal Sunday evening when I was ten and Jess was five. My Dad was sitting at the computer working on something and my sisters were watching the television. Jess and I were playing a game that most young kids enjoy playing. I would lie on my back and Jess would sit on my feet, and then I would send him flying through the air. After a while playing this game I decided it was time to take the game to the next level. My goal was to make Jess hit the ceiling. Our family room at the time did have low ceilings, but not low enough for a 50-pound kid, being propelled by his brother’s leg, to reach. Rather than hitting the ceiling Jess flew awkwardly through the air and landing on the SEGA Genesis game system. The SEGA emerged unscathed, but Jess had broken his elbow.

I remember Jess screaming and then my Dad trying to straighten his elbow. As soon as my Dad realized the elbow wouldn’t straighten out he rushed Jess out of the house and left one of my sisters in charge. The entire time my Dad was gone all I could think of was how much trouble I would be in when he got home. Of course it was an accident, but I had been punished for many of my so-called accidents before. My Mom met my Dad at the hospital, from stake choir practice, and from there they had to take Jess to Pocatello for surgery to repair his arm. The doctors ended up putting two pins in his elbow and giving him a bright green cast as a souvenir. When I came home from a day at school worrying my parents and Jess were home from the hospital. To my utter surprise I never got punished for the accident. Six weeks of looking at Jess’ cast was punishment enough. I guess my parents really believed it was an accident. Good thing they didn’t know I was trying to make him hit the ceiling.

My Duty as a Little Brother

Chapter 3

My parents had three daughters before they were privileged to have me. That means that I grew up with four different moms at once. Each of them had their own parenting style and they all took it upon themselves to try and raise me. I think it probably took all of their efforts to mold me into the person I am today. At the time I wasn’t grateful for the extra restrictions they put on me, so I did my best to be the little brother of a lifetime.

Everyone knows that the stereotype of a little brother is the epitome of annoying. Back to the dictionary, for another definition to make sure we are on the same page. Annoy means to irritate or make angry. I pride myself in the fact that I helped to create the stereotype for all little brothers. I have always taken my jobs seriously, at least most of the time. It all started with my first job and that was to be the little brother to three sisters.

For starters, I wasn’t allowed to ever go into my sister’s room, except when I shared a room with Liz. That didn’t last very long anyway. With that said my sisters might be surprised to find out that I spent a lot of my spare time exploring their rooms while they were out with their friends. Most of this happened while we lived in our house on Eastman Dr. That means I was younger than ten years old. I perfected the art of memorizing how things were so I could always put them back together.

The first lesson that should be learned from this account is the following. If a little boy isn’t allowed to do something, the allure of doing that thing always grows. In lay mans terms for all the sisters out there. If you tell you little brother not to do something 9 times out of 10 he will accomplish the feat. I was no different from the average boy. The excitement of sneaking around against the rules fueled the fire inside of me.

For the sake of time and pages I will condense some examples of how I magnified my calling as a little brother in our family. We had a dog named Maggie, who liked to eat things. On a few occasions I was able to feed my sisters barbies to Maggie. Most of the barbies’ hands and feet were got chewed off by Maggie. I loved to knock on my sister’s doors and run. I know that drove them crazy because they would get fed up and chase me down the hall. The only reason I am alive right now is probably because I am faster than they are.

I have a talent that has made me proud since I can remember. I used to listen to my Dad whistling and new that someday I had to learn how to whistle on my own. Luckily I learned very quickly how to whistle. I’ll admit when I first started I was really annoying, but I mastered the talent quickly. Soon I could whistle whatever tune I wanted. Today you can ask me to whistle just about any hymn and I can do it. I don’t know how it works but I just start whistling and the tune comes out perfectly. I tell you this because my sisters hated my talent. The more they hated it the more I did it. That is how I mastered the art of whistling so soon. I spent many long hours whistling just to get under my sister’s skin.

Emily liked to collect every flavor of chapstick imaginable. She had flavors ranging from Dr. Pepper to the normal mint. When I was younger I thought that if they smelled so good they must taste good also. I specifically remember stealing her collection and hiding behind the chair in the family room, where I proceeded to sample each of the chapsticks. Sadly I found out that smells can be deceiving. Of course I didn’t learn that lesson from the first stick; I had to continue taste testing until I was sick. I don’t remember how Emily reacted, but I am sure she wasn’t happy about having her collection of chapstick eaten.

Whenever my sisters had a party I took it upon myself to spill all their secrets. I also thought that their friends adored me. This was probably due to the fact that I had crushes on most of their friends. With these two attributes combined I ruined many of their little parties. Usually the phrases “MOM, ROBBY IS BOTHERING US! or MOM, GET ROBBY OUT OF HERE!” were worn out by the end of their party. You might ask me if I regret being a pain in the neck, but the answer is no. I loved every minute of it. Except for the many spankings, and hours spent sitting on the chair, which was my worst punishment.

When Megan started dating her future husband Mica, I developed another of my duties. I took it upon myself to be the spy and informer to my parents. I would watch for anything that I could make public. I usually tried to walk as quietly as I could so I could get the dirt on Megan. I remember one time I walked down the stairs at the wrong time. When I rounded the last stair and peaked around the corner I caught Megan and Mica making out. The minute I realized what they were doing I was running up the stairs screaming for mom. About halfway up the stairs I felt a hand wrap around my ankle. It was all over from there. I got dragged down the stairs kicking and screaming by Megan, who decided that she was going to teach me that spying was not nice and also that she didn’t care if I saw her kissing. She held onto my arm while she and Mica proceeded to kiss forcing me to watch. I was young enough that I thought it was disgusting. The minute she let go I was on my way to tell my mom, who apparently didn’t care all that much to my surprise.

When I was a little older I had to get more creative with my duties. Liz was the closest to me in age, so she naturally was the brunt of most of my little brother abilities. When she was a sophomore in high school Jess, my little brother, and I would ride the bus to the high school where we would catch a ride with my sisters home. We were specifically instructed to wait outside next to the car for them. I quickly realized if I went to Liz’s locker she would hurry a lot faster to get out of the school. She also hated that Jess and I were inserting us into her very important social life. Since we got home earlier and she hated it so much, we continued to show up at her locker. I never understood how bothersome it really was until I was a junior in high school and my girlfriend’s little brother would show up at her locker to wait for a ride. It was still worth it.

I know that all three of my sisters have been praying that I have a little boy just like me. Most likely it will happen and Britney will understand who I am a lot better than she does now. Little brothers are a blessing in their sister’s lives. I taught and prepared my sisters for their futures as Mothers, especially Liz. The bottom line is that I learned all of my sisters buttons, and I knew how to push them. I also knew how many times I could push them before getting hurt. However, from the previous chapter you can guess that there were a few times mixed in there, where I pushed the button one to many times.

I have to say one more thing on this subject in my defense before I end this section. I stated earlier that I had four moms, who raised me. My real mom is not the only one, who punished me. I would take one of her punishments any day over my sisters. Hers were usually fair. Since I had four moms I also had four times as many punishments. The punishments usually consisted of hair getting pulled or their finger nails being dug into my arm. It was always an adventure and I learned how to deal with a little bit of pain here and there. Now realize that those were a few selections for an example’s sake. In all reality they are just scraping the tip of the iceberg.

One Last Time Won't Hurt

Chapter 2

This first story is actually two stories that both have taught me a very important lesson in a similar way. However, it took me a few more years to learn this lesson and actually benefit from it. Starting with these stories and throughout the rest of the book you might ask yourself why did Rob have to be taught the same lesson so many times before he actually learned it. I don’t actually have the answer to that question so unless you can read into these stories further than I ever have and answer the question of why it may never get answered.

I have two separate scars, which will stand as reminders throughout the rest of my life. I actually believe the purpose of scars is to remind us of our actions so that we won’t continue to commit the same error time after time. I’ll go ahead and start with my knee. If you get a chance to see my right knee and are able to examine it closely you will find an inch long scar with three dots on either side, that I have had the privilege of carrying for about 18 years now.

When I was growing up I always loved to go to Grandma’s house. The drive always felt like an eternity, but it actually was only 45 minutes long. I always had so much fun at my grandma’s house. The majority of the time at Grandma’s house was spent playing as hard as any little boy could with his cousin. Sam has been by my side for most of my life. We are the same age and we even look a lot alike, but that is a story for another time.

Sam and I would do as much as we could in the short visit’s we had together. It was always an adventure together. We were both blessed with very imaginative minds, which transformed any setting into a paradise. Together we could play for hours without fail. During one of the trips to Grandma’s house Sam and I found our selves playing upstairs in his house. If I remember right we were 5 years old at the time. Uncle Ken, Sam’s dad, had been in the middle of a remodeling project. He was remodeling the upstairs bathroom. It just so happened that adjacent to the bathroom was the ceiling of the living room. Ken’s house is a log cabin, with a living room ceiling that stretches to the roof of the house. There is actually a space between the living room ceiling and the actual roof of the house.

Sam and I were both just small enough that we could comfortably climb to the top of the space holding on to some of the electrical wiring of the house. When we got to the top we would slide down. We were having so much fun that Sam’s older sister Katie became aware of our game. She came out of her room and told us nicely to stop and then gave us a warning that one of us would get hurt if we continued. Of course we didn’t heed her nice warning and continued to play.

As we slid down the ceiling we would end up inside the bathroom, which was under construction. I’m not sure how we avoided getting hurt for so long in the first place. As soon as Katie told us to quit our game we decided to do it one more time. Sam went first and then I quickly followed him laughing all the way. As I slid through the doorway into the bathroom my little five-year-old knee caught onto a nail that had been sticking up in the floor and tore open the inch long wound. I don’t remember the pain but I remember walking with blood dripping from my knee into Katie’s room. Being the nice person that she was, she bandaged me up and called my Mom to take me to the doctor.

Sam got to come with me to the doctor, where I received my stitches. I was so interested in the process that the doctor actually let me place one of the stitches. That is probably the reason why my knee later got infected and the scar is so prominent on my knee now 18 years later. Afterwards my mom took us to get some ice cream to ease some to the stress from our traumatic little experience. We just had to slide one more time, and I got my first lesson in listening to those, who know better.

A few years later I found myself in a similar situation only without Sam at my side. In our old house on Eastman Dr. in Soda Springs we had a door right next to the stove that led out into the one car garage. It happened to be a heavy wooden door that opened out into the garage. There were three or four cement steps that led the way to the cold garage floor. The set of stairs created an opportunity for a little bit of fun on a boring afternoon. I figured out that I could hold onto the doorknob and swing in and out of the garage.

While I was enjoying my new found swing, my Mom was busy cooking at the stove adjacent to the door. She let me have my fun for a couple of swings and then told me to stop swinging or else I would get hurt. This warning now seems very similar to Katie’s warning that could have saved my perfect knee. At the time the words didn’t connect how they do now, so I proceeded to disobey my Mom. As soon as my mom stopped talking I was already swinging one more time. I don’t know if Heavenly Father decided my disobedience needed to be rewarded with pain or if I was just clumsy.

As the door swung into the garage my little hands slipped off the doorknob and I fell. The next thing I remember was my little head hitting the corner of one of those cement stairs. Even though I imagine there might be a dent in the cement from that day, the stair still one the fight. I stood up and already had blood dripping from the back of my head. I don’t think my Mom said I told you so, but she probably should have. I remember my Mom holding a rag on my head and my Dad driving me to the hospital.

When we arrived at the Emergency room they made me lay on my stomach on a table. I remember them putting something on my head and then I remember the sharp pain of the needle administering the anesthetic. The next thing I remember is going home with a brand new set of stitches in the back of my head covered with a big gob of glue for protection, while my head healed. That time I didn’t get to put in any of the stitches, which was probably for the best. I do remember the worst part about it was that my Chip and Dale Rescue Rangers sweat shirt that I got earlier at Disneyland was ruined. That was a sad day in the eyes of a seven year old.

Both of these stories taught me the same lesson as I reflected back on them through the years. I needed to learn to listen to people as they warned me of the dangers of my actions. The only problem was that I didn’t learn that lesson fully at that time. I can’t even say that I have learned it completely to this day after all the experiences I have had. I guess you can say I have a hard head.